“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson
I have come to recognize the tell tale signs of grief. They sneak up on me and cast me down into an abyss that I struggle to climb out of. It has been happening for the last 16 years since my father died. They are momentary lapses into sadness for no apparent reason. And luckily these melancholy moods don’t last as long as they once did.
It is hard for me to deal with grief because my dad was the one I could talk to when I was heart broken over the loss of a pet or a relationship. Or when there was a tragedy in the world and I was at a loss as to how this senseless act could have happened. He knew I took these sorrows hard. That my heart would shatter into a million pieces because I wore that heart out on my sleeve for all to see. I loved completely, and so the loss was also as complete.
I had not intended to write this post. I actually had two other topics I was wavering between, but I just couldn’t write them. Something was blocking me, and it needed to be let loose. I really had no idea what was going on with me just that I was in a very low place. And then it became clear what was happening as those tell tale signs appeared again.
With the recent happenings in the world I am feeling very vulnerable. Feelings of great sadness seem to bubble up at strange times causing me to withdraw or hide inside myself. And I know these actions will not help, but for now all I can muster is to lean in again and let the tears flow and the love pour out into the universe hoping it will have an effect.
I am fighting the urge to curl up and just stay numb, not even venturing out into my garden which at least usually brings me some sort of solace. And I can hear my father’s words helping me fight my way back….I can feel his strong arms hold me up, and I draw upon the strength of loved ones whose mere offering of a hug are sometimes just enough to bring back the smile and light my heart again.
The key for me at this moment is to appreciate life itself. Yes it seems the most important thing to feel right now. Sharing my hope for peace, treating others with kindness, spreading loving thoughts and actions out into the world help keep me strong…keep me resilient. These actions are helping me move on and heal….and maybe in my doing of these seemingly trivial things the world will heal a little more too. At least I hope it will….it is all I have at this moment.
Special Note: The marigolds pictured above represent grief. Such a sunny flower that somehow brings me solace.
The picture below is my gift to you this week. These words helped me know that we must keep the love going…after all as the Beatles said so many years ago,
“All you need is love….love is all you need.”
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