“Hope and fear come from feeling that we lack something; they come from a sense of poverty. We can’t simply relax with ourselves. We hold on to hope, and hope robs us of the present moment. We feel that someone else knows what is going on, but that there is something missing in us, and therefore something is lacking in our world.”
Reading this quote, I was bowled over by how much truth it contained. And yet I wasn’t sure I could wrap my brain completely around it…or if I even agreed wholeheartedly with the idea. So this was a tricky subject for me, but one I knew I needed to explore.
How could hope be from lack, and how could it rob me? After all I count on hope to lift me up. And then it hit me…..I am holding on to hope sometimes for dear life. Waiting for it to show up. Never quite satisfied with life as it is, or how I am in my own skin.
And once I started to warm to this idea, however strange it seemed, I received another Joyful Wisdom Letterfrom Sandra Pawula, atAlways Well Within. Her theme was also about this notion of hope and fear; specifically how both can be unhelpful to us.
As I read through her words, I was struck by this notion:
“hope for gain and fear of loss can turn into an endless search for the pot of gold”
And as I read these words, I thought there was such an immense truth in these words that churned deep in my belly.
The fear of loss is easy to understand. It happens to each of us as loved ones leave us, and we worry or even fear their loss. And it can transcend to losing jobs, or other things that we think are so important in our lives. And this fear paralyzed me many times as a child….so much so that I could not leave my mother’s side.
While I thought about the fear of loss, it began to dawn on me that I had an equally tight grip on hope. It was what I had pinned my dreams to; that elusive hope. Yes, I hoped for a dream job with good pay….I hoped to find a relationship that would be ‘the one’, my true love. I could go on and on here with my hopes. But in the back of my mind, there was that other shoe waiting to drop with hope. The fear that once I got what I wanted, it would all be taken away.
I thought that I had let go of these notions of hope and fear years ago, but realized that many have stuck with me, especially those around hope. There were still many hopes I was attached to….I could hear them in my everyday language. Even small ones like, ‘I hope the weather warms up soon so I can get started in my garden’.
So what to do? Well it all became abundantly clear I had to do something, when not too long ago I was deeply down. I woke on a Monday morning to a gray sky that was becoming white with snow. Snow in April-ugh! Snow that was not supposed to still be coming down. And while I started becoming depressed thinking about the snow, and all my flowers being buried, a plumbing problem reared its ugly head to heap upon the gloom.
I just wanted to dig a hole and bury myself. My hopes for spring were dashed with the forecast for more cold and snow, and what did I have to look forward to? A big plumber’s bill! As I realized I was in this downward spiral, I allowed these feelings to wash over me…to feel them as they came up. But I didn’t perseverate on them. Instead once they presented themselves, and I recognized them, I let them go. I focused on more important issues (living with no water for the day), and after a while I felt a load being lifted off me.
Eventually the day brightened…the snow still remained for several days, but I was no longer attached to spring coming NOW. I knew it would get here. And with this I also began to remember other times I let go of my attachment to hope. Meeting the right person…that happened when I let go and moved on no longer worried I might never marry. Even that dream next job came to me when I let go of pursuing it.
So is it wrong to hope? I found that there is a distinction between what I call hope and dreams. Hoping may not ever get me to my dreams. Hoping to get there doesn’t move me there. But moving on, letting go have helped me in pursuing a dream that is within reach….. as long as I don’t hold on to it too tight!
This is a new notion I am exploring….what has been your experience with hope and fear? What new lessons are you learning?
Special Note:The pictures here are of my dwarf willow trees blooming, showing me spring is here no matter the weather.
While traveling to my niece’s wedding the opening line kept running through my head. And the words that poured out were a chorus of hope I wanted to share especially during the holiday season as we begin the New Year.
I choose a new word each year to guide me. This year my word is INNOVATE. I rolled it out on my New Year’s Eve post. And it seems this poem fits beautifully with it…I am choosing to see things in a new light this year.
I am joining in with Poets Unitedfor their weekly poetry link up for poets who blog. Visit them to read some more wonderful verse.
“The greatest joys in life are found not only in what we do and feel,
but also in our quiet hopes and labors for others.”― Bryant McGill
Do you dream? Not the dreams of night, but more a ‘hoping in your heart’ dream. A hazy, lazy daydream of what might be. Imagining yourself living a life you did not dare to dream. Or of achieving something that was but a fantasy all your life.
I am finding I am dreaming more. Dreaming of those places I have always wanted to visit. Special walks where I can see sights that were unimaginable to me except for what I may have seen in pictures. And one of my dreams is to write more…to write books. I have many books down deep inside waiting for a voice, and a way to find the light of being published.
And I have loftier dreams. Dreams of a deeply found peace and love in the world. Kindness first as a way to greet those we know and those we are just passing by. Joy, health and bliss that come out of the dreams of others who dare to imagine they can find a cure or a better way.
I think it is good to hope. But really it is most important to dream. If we never dream, I fear we will be lost. And just like these snowdrops pictured here that give us a hope that spring will finally follow winter, I am hoping that my dreams will find reality as I come out of my year of observing, discovering and just being.
Note:Snowdrops mean hope in the Language of Flowers.
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I leave you with another thought about hope. Feel free to download the photo and share.
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