Surrendering to the Light
Dark and dingy on this misty day,
Soul searching in the weathered decay.
Once colored gems found among the green,
Soon all is gone to a barren scene.
Quiet melancholy heavy in the air,
Tears rush forth while heartache is declared.
Let the grief well up, spew and flow,
While the water washes me clean as I let go.
This wearisome heart must not yield to the disdain,
Surrendering only to the light and a restful peace regained.
©Donna Donabella 2018
I am thrilled to be back blogging and writing again. It has been over 4 months, and I am feeling healed and much better. I aggravated an old back injury, had vertigo and then blood pressure issues (not related to the vertigo).
I started this poem when life had me down and the weather seemed to amplify the sentiments. With this rainbow last week, on a particularly warm November day, I was remembering what is important in my life if I am to live it to the fullest even on the darkest days.
I am joining in with Poets United for their weekly poetry link up for poets who blog.
I leave you with a few additional words about Surrendering to the Light. I welcome you to download the photo and share it.
All other photos and original content is copyrighted and the sole property of Donna Donabella @ Living From Happiness, 2014-2018. Any reprints or use of other photos or content is by permission only.
And what I have discovered in these impossible moments, is that I need to turn inward, and tap into my hidden reserves. What powers these reserves, and allows us to survive? Quite simply it is love. Not just love from others, but love of ourselves….really the most important gift we can give to ourselves and others. For when we love ourselves, the tribulations of life can seem to melt away, and our capacity to love others increases tenfold.
Changing an answer on a final that resulted in a grade of 98 instead of 100% would put me in a tailspin where I would call myself ‘stupid’, say ‘how I knew better’…’what was wrong with me’…and causing me to obsess on this mistake for months. Nothing was acceptable to me but perfection.
What did I do? It really is quite simple, and a bit brave, if I say so myself. I recognize these moments where I engage in negative self-talk, and I stay in the moment with them….I feel them, where they reside in my body, and then I give myself a bit of self-love. I tell myself, out loud usually, ‘I am doing the best that I can in this moment’. Then I recognize that indeed I am doing my best….and I let go of the emotions tying me down.
Each time I focused and stayed in the moment I sensed an easing of these negative emotions and self-talk. There are many practices to help with this process, and I have learned some new techniques, from the courses I took recently. I highly recommend 
And the rallying cry, ‘Earth Day Everyday’ was a perfect mantra for me. A young 13-year-old wanting to make a difference. I knew so little then…and now some 46 years later after all I have learned, and all I try to do, I wonder do I make a difference at all. Will my one garden, grown organically, using less water…will it matter in the grand scheme? Will it matter to the wildlife in my one plot?
From my perspective, it is really rather simple…..do no harm. Stop spraying your weeds and the insects. The chemicals not only are killing the wildlife around us, but they are killing us. More and more research is showing that our exposure to chemicals is causing diseases in us and our pets. And the chemicals found in our food, is where we get the bulk of these chemicals that are deadly to us.
Can you tell I am impassioned about this topic? Am I preaching to the choir? Yes, and I am up on my soapbox too. And maybe my voice will reach very few, but that is not going to stop me from doing what I know in my heart is the right thing….do no harm. This is my perspective, and only you can reach your own conclusions based on how you see the world.
The robins are used to a bit of snow, and cold. But this snow swallowed the ground, and not a bit of it was left uncovered. Why is this significant? Because robins eat worms and insects in spring, which were nowhere to be found in the snow. See my poor daffodil buds languishing in the snow.
And it didn’t dawn on me that they would be suffering until I saw this. Our female struggling in the Barberry branches. At first I thought, why would she choose to perch in this thorny bush, where the branches are vertical and packed tight with barely any breathing space. And then I saw it….
they cannot be flexible, they break under the wild winds, and heavy bitter snow. It is their ability to remain loose and shed their bark, that makes them stronger.
I had been asked to testify at a hearing regarding work issues. I had been gone for over a year, and wanted no reminders of my old work experiences. Of reliving the stress. But without a choice, I was forced to make the 2 hour trip twice.
And I kept my head about me. Not drawn into the aggressive, assertive, tense me of old. But now a calmer, cooler head prevailed. And when it was done, a release was felt through out my mind and body.
Let me just say that the letters so far have been life changing…..especially the one about Patience. To say I’m impatient is an understatement. I have learned to cultivate a bit more patience since I began gardening. Waiting for veg seeds to grow as I work on weeding, or trimming plants. Trying to learn a bit more about a plant that is limping along, so I can apply the lessons in order to help it grow.
And in the midst of this phone call, I found myself unusually calm. He was alive, just a broken thumb. But my mind still tried to race. With a broken thumb, I’ll have to be ready to take over some chores and responsibilities, and give support….oh boy I am not good with that.
I did not panic, I did not cry….instead I found the lessons from Sandra deep inside me. My practice of these had ingrained them in me somehow, and I had found a new strength, and new ways to respond to this scary situation.
This new found sense of calm and patience has continued in my life….not perfect….but one where I can realize when I am slipping back, and can catch myself. I am not sure how these new lessons will show themselves as life goes on, but I know that with dedicated awareness and practice I change any habit or tenderly tend any part of me that is in need….and this knowledge gives me solace.
And it was here, while I snapped pictures of the dried and tattered plants, that I realized I had a full and abundant life. I was lucky to be alive, to have relatively good health, a partner who gave me support and unconditional love, and family and friends who were still there for me.
I was also thinking what color this year would be. I have been working with the 
achieved…maybe writing and
“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.” 
