“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” ~ Steve Jobs
I am a couch potato by nature meaning I enjoy just sitting. Sitting and and reading. Or sitting and glancing out my windows at the gardens and nature around me. And I love to sit and watch old classic movies from the 1930s and 40s. It is my ultimate escape from work, worry and engagement with others. I use it as a numbing technique when I am overwhelmed or need to shut myself off.
And since retiring, I have found I needed that numbing for a while. A cocoon to encase myself as I healed and rested. Being a workaholic for so many years, it would seem it would be hard to sit still. But not so. It was easy to fall into the habit. Not have an agenda. Not have any set ambition for the days, the months ahead.
Oh yes I had my garden blog and I had big plans for my garden, but life intervened and my health issues forced me to rest more than I had planned….No you are not going to go out and spend hours, days and weeks beating up your body to make-over gardens.….They are not ready, you are not ready. So this was what I was relegated to do…just sit.
So I did just what my body told me to do for 5 months initially. Then this summer, I broke free a little and allowed myself to explore more with photography. And I started this blog as a vehicle to continue the exploration, the creative endeavors and the healing. But I never stopped mostly sitting and observing.
It had become part of me this waiting and looking. This quiet time to see deeply into the landscape of my gardens and my soul. To see what would be the productive path. What I want to do and love to do, not wishing for a different life or hoping things would change. But a deep knowing this was what I wanted to do now.
And there will come a time soon when I will be ready to move on again. To add the next steps in my journey. But developing the habit of waiting, looking and now intuitively knowing has been more productive than any other work I could have done. It is the lesson of slowing down I had not been able to master.
Now not just “busying” up my day, but following what the heart and soul desires. Floating through the day like a butterfly searching for the sweet nectar. Then alighting there to drink it in until full. Moving only when the sun sets, to start again the next day to find my next source…my desire. It can be anywhere you know as long as you take time to sit and look for it. And I will know it as it waits for me to follow along again floating on the wind.
Note: Goldenrod means encouragement in the Language of Flowers.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I leave you with another thought about living a full life. Feel free to download the photo and share.