I am thrilled to be back blogging and writing again. It has been over 4 months, and I am feeling healed and much better. I aggravated an old back injury, had vertigo and then blood pressure issues (not related to the vertigo).
I started this poem when life had me down and the weather seemed to amplify the sentiments. With this rainbow last week, on a particularly warm November day, I was remembering what is important in my life if I am to live it to the fullest even on the darkest days.
I am joining in with Poets Unitedfor their weekly poetry link up for poets who blog.
I leave you with a few additional words about Surrendering to the Light. I welcome you to download the photo and share it.
All other photos and original content is copyrighted and the sole property of Donna Donabella @ Living From Happiness, 2014-2018. Any reprints or use of other photos or content is by permission only.
This is the third poem I wrote when my Aunt Mary died recently (July 3rd). She was laid to rest this past week, and the grief was back. Loss is so difficult to deal with, but I have learned that I just need to allow the emotions to flow. And grief always seems to come at me in waves. I am doing better these days so perhaps some peace is coming. You can read my tribute post to my aunt on my other blog.
This poem is a remembrance for my Aunt Mary who passed away July 3rd. A dear friend said to me that dwelling on missing her would only bring sadness and depression….but celebrating her light would bring me solace and peace. I liked that idea and this poem came to me the next day. You can read my tribute post to my aunt here.
I am joining Poets Unitedfor their Poetry Pantry linkup. July 12th was my 3rd blog anniversary….what an amazing 3 years of creativity it has been.
The picture at the top is of my Aunt Mary with a few sweet peas, snapdragons and lavender. The vase below is more of these same sweet flowers.
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”~Gilda Radner
There is one thing I know that is definite about life….we are all going to die someday. Now I know this is not a major revelation nor even a pleasant thing to think about. But the realization of this fact recently caught up with me. Prior to that, this fact was pushed far down into the nether reaches of my brain so I didn’t have to deal with it.
Talking about death was scary because for me there was nothing definitely known about what happens to us when we die. I also didn’t want to leave those I loved, and there was so much I still wanted to do with my life. But the fact that I am going to die someday was always looming somewhere in my brain even if I resisted it.
And dealing with the death of loved ones, I think was even more painful because I couldn’t accept the finality of death. That sense of loss was too great for me. So I always pushed it away. Recently, it has been continuing to dominate my thoughts. Perhaps because of my mother’s failing health. And perhaps because another birthday is coming closer to another decade done for me.
These thoughts had been weighing on me, and it was finally time to face them….to deal with them as we each must do in our time. And when I ran across this quote, everything suddenly changed for me…becoming clearer.
I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few. ~Brené Brown
And reality hit me square in the face….I had been limiting myself, my life. Not really living…wrapped in deep fear, and dipping deep into unhappiness many days, all because I couldn’t deal with the uncertainties of life. And maybe too because the only certainty was not such a pleasant prospect.
As a gardener, I face uncertainty every season. When winter yields to spring, I am never sure what damage will be shown once the snow melts. What flowers and plants will have succumbed to nature’s wrath and the natural process of dying.
In gardening it is an accepted fact, this life and death cycle. If you don’t accept it, you won’t be gardening for long as the disappointment can be too great and defeating for some. But not for me. I have learned from my mistakes, and the ravages of nature that are out of my control. I have shifted my perspective, and learned to accept each season as it comes, no matter what happens and enjoy the garden knowing it is never the same year to year.
So why does it seem easier to accept uncertainty in my garden? I think because the joys I have found in gardening far outweigh any disappointments, and maybe make the successes of the flowers that present themselves so much more meaningful.
I have even come to enjoy the stages or seasons in my garden. The first signs of new life and focusing on the beauty it brings as we get into the many flowers of spring and summer. And learning to love the fading autumn beauty of my garden, still alive and exquisite setting up new life as it turns to seed.
These stages of life in my garden have become an inspiration for me. They present themselves in each day as the sun begins to lighten the sky, until the last rays of light fade bringing the beauty of the stars at night. I appreciate the fullness of each part of my day as new experiences dawn, and my body breathes in the life each new hour brings.
And I have begun to notice myself in each subtle shift this year. I have learned that while I know there is a winter in my garden, as there is in my life, I don’t have to perseverate on it. Instead, I can acknowledge that my time, like my garden, is limited, but it is in the moments between my birth and death that I find my greatest joys and fulfillment…this is where I choose to reside, to bloom and grow until my last breath. Seeking the uncertainty where that delicious ambiguity resides.
Note:In the Language of Flowers, daffodils represent uncertainty. I decided to feature daffodils that were hit by a snow storm last year, and still continued to go on blooming brightly. When they were weighed down by the cold and snow, I was uncertain if they would survive. There was a beautiful quality about these daffodils even as they faced death. But in the end they showed their resilience and strength as they went on to live their lives fully in my garden.
I leave you with another thought about uncertainty. Feel free to download this photo and share.
All other photos and original content is copyrighted and the sole property of Donna Donabella @ Living From Happiness, 2014-2015. Any reprints or use of other photos or content is by permission only.
As my father’s birthday approaches each year, I am drawn back to those special times, and special memories. I lost my father in 1998, and sometimes there are only those days where all I have is much sadness. This poem is reflective of one of those sad times I have had recently. Next Sunday, I will post a poem that speaks of the happy memories.
I am joining in with Poets Unitedfor their weekly poetry link up for poets who blog. Visit them to read some more wonderful verse.
“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson
I have come to recognize the tell tale signs of grief. They sneak up on me and cast me down into an abyss that I struggle to climb out of. It has been happening for the last 16 years since my father died. They are momentary lapses into sadness for no apparent reason. And luckily these melancholy moods don’t last as long as they once did.
It is hard for me to deal with grief because my dad was the one I could talk to when I was heart broken over the loss of a pet or a relationship. Or when there was a tragedy in the world and I was at a loss as to how this senseless act could have happened. He knew I took these sorrows hard. That my heart would shatter into a million pieces because I wore that heart out on my sleeve for all to see. I loved completely, and so the loss was also as complete.
I had not intended to write this post. I actually had two other topics I was wavering between, but I just couldn’t write them. Something was blocking me, and it needed to be let loose. I really had no idea what was going on with me just that I was in a very low place. And then it became clear what was happening as those tell tale signs appeared again.
With the recent happenings in the world I am feeling very vulnerable. Feelings of great sadness seem to bubble up at strange times causing me to withdraw or hide inside myself. And I know these actions will not help, but for now all I can muster is to lean in again and let the tears flow and the love pour out into the universe hoping it will have an effect.
I am fighting the urge to curl up and just stay numb, not even venturing out into my garden which at least usually brings me some sort of solace. And I can hear my father’s words helping me fight my way back….I can feel his strong arms hold me up, and I draw upon the strength of loved ones whose mere offering of a hug are sometimes just enough to bring back the smile and light my heart again.
The key for me at this moment is to appreciate life itself. Yes it seems the most important thing to feel right now. Sharing my hope for peace, treating others with kindness, spreading loving thoughts and actions out into the world help keep me strong…keep me resilient. These actions are helping me move on and heal….and maybe in my doing of these seemingly trivial things the world will heal a little more too. At least I hope it will….it is all I have at this moment.
Special Note: The marigolds pictured above represent grief. Such a sunny flower that somehow brings me solace.
The picture below is my gift to you this week. These words helped me know that we must keep the love going…after all as the Beatles said so many years ago,
“All you need is love….love is all you need.”
All original content is copyrighted and the sole property of Donna Donabella @ Living From Happiness, 2014. Any reprints or use of content or photos is by permission only.