Creating My Fear

vv waterlily painting

 

Fear has always been my greatest enemy.  It has controlled me.  And consumed me.  So much so that I prefered to remain invisible for many, many years.  I chalked it up to being an introvert.  I was just not wired to be out there taking risks.  Nice excuse and it served me well.  And I had folks protect that hard shell I created for myself.

 

But as my job changed and I had to put myself out into the public eye more, I was forced out of that cushy, but dangerous, comfort zone.  And what do you know I was successful and happy in the change that had come over me.  My courage increased as I continued to move out of that zone growing along the way.

 

I forgot that with growth comes pain and with pain that fear was back.  Big and ugly, looming, sucking my reservoirs dry.  And it wasn’t until I hit a high, hard wall that I decided to go back to my roots.  Back to the mighty word.  My words. The words that speak from the soul.  From deep down inside my belly forcing those emotions back out exposing my raw self.  Funny thing was there was no fear once those words were laid bare.  At least not for a while.

 

But I did not understand, that fear would return over and over to beat me up and knock me down.  And I let that fear suffocate me, cutting me off from my words.  It wasn’t until I read an interview with a wonderful purveyor of words.  One who understood that in order to create with words you had to embrace fear.  Know that you would and must create it along with your soulful work.  It was not to be squashed, but accepted.  Embraced and even cultivated.  Because without that fear you would cease to create; really create from your roots.

 

 

“I believe that Creativity and Fear are basically conjoined twins; they share all the same major organs, and cannot be separated, one from the other, without killing them both. And you don’t want to murder Creativity just to destroy Fear!  You must accept that Creativity cannot walk even one step forward except by marching side-by-side with its attached sibling of Fear.”

Elizabeth Gilbert

 

 

Simple words really.  Create and Fear.  Inexplicably intertwined.  And to cut off my DSCN9826fear was to cut off the flow of my words rendering me mute.  Safe yes, but mute.  Soul speak quieted.  My heart smothered.  So the choice was simple. It was time to stop despairing.  It was time to whisper those fears.  To take fear by the hand and walk with it.  Get to know it intimately.  Give it voice.  And as that fearful voice rose, I discovered my words.

 

Those deep down feeling words are flowing again.  And as long as I keep fear beside me, I will compose, generate, form and otherwise forge my words here every month.

 

Special Note:  Water lilies symbolize Eloquence and Purity of heart.

 

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Update 6 months later:

This post was  originally published January 22, 2014 when I became a regular part of the team writing at Vision and Verb.  And it was the inspiration for starting this new blog….to continue to challenge my fears and to not lose my words and creativity.

It has been six weeks since starting this blog, and I am having so much fun stretching my creativity wings with photography and what I call my weekly ‘heart-felt’ posts on Thursdays.

I will be expanding my creative Sunday posts in September by adding some poetry.  I hope to join in a few poetry sites for their challenges as I continue my love for reading and writing poetry.  There is something so very personal and soulful in poetry, and I hope to continue to tap into my soul giving you little glimpses.

 

 

 

I leave you with another thought about fear.  Feel free to download the photo and share.

DSCN9822

All original content is copyrighted and the sole property of Donna Donabella @ Living From Happiness, 2014.  Any reprints or use of content or photos is by permission only.

 

 

14 Replies to “Creating My Fear”

      1. Donna, your post found me in a melancholy mood. Fear of being noticed has haunted me since childhood. As you say, however, good things can come from seemingly dark places. My sensitivity to others, my compassion, my sense of the absurd, my imagination, my ability to pick up on the small nuances of behaviour, to see beyond the superficial, have all been honed by past experiences. My life is richer and sometimes more difficult. I cannot embrace fear as you have; I admire your courage. Fear to me is a burden I no longer wish to carry. I sense, for you, it is no longer a burden but a tool, even a place of strength. It lightens my heart to know you have found a path through the maze.

        1. I think Susan we each deal with fear in whatever way is best for us. Your lightening of your load and letting go of the burden of fear is a big step. You are right I have let it go for the most part and draw strength from the knowledge it will be with me but I know how to use it now. Thank you for your wonderful comment to remind us fear is different for each of us.

  1. Empathised very much with this Donna as Fear and I are like conjoined twins, seeking saftey, solace and the shade. I admire your courage to speak out, to create and not to be knocked back into the place where the stomach does not churn and neither do the words. Have to say though that it’s hard to embrace fear when it has you in a vice like grip 😉

  2. Beautiful thoughts – encouraging thoughts, honest thoughts – and growth. Thank you for sharing it with us here and for the lovely lotus photo.

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